Murphy’s Laws of Horse Ownership

Murphy’s Law – the old adage that states ‘anything that can go wrong, will go wrong’. And as someone who finds herself running into some sort of mishap on a regular basis (mostly due to my lack of organisation and dramatic tendencies), I am all too familiar with some of these ‘Equestrian Murphy’s Laws’:

1. The horse you just sold, which has never been lame a day in its life, will go lame the day of the vetting.

2. He will be perfectly sound after the vet leaves.

3. Clipper blades will only require sharpening as soon as you have half of your horse clipped.

4. The day you put an expensive new rug on your horse for the first time, is the day he will choose to explore the depths of the gorse bushes along the perimeter of his field.

5. The least useful horse on your yard will require the most feeding, bedding and vets visits.

6. The day you are running late for a show is the day your horse will refuse to be caught from the field.

7. How likely you are to forget an important item such as a girth or your hat, is directly proportionate to how late you are for your show. The item’s importance is directly correlated to the degree of lateness for said show.

8. Feeling confident that your grey horse will only require a tail wash the morning of the show, will guarantee that said grey horse will have rolled in his own s**t by the time you arrive to the yard.

How my horse goes at home

9. Your horse will go like Valegro and no one will be there to see it.

10. Your horse will forget everything you have ever taught him and everyone will be there to see it.

11. The likelihood of your horse going lame or losing a shoe is directly proportionate to how important the competition you are due to attend is.

12. If you fall off, you will land on either a) the most protrusive object in the vicinity, and/or b) the site of your most recent injury.

13. The method with which your horse chooses to deposit you will be directly related to the number of people watching.

14. If you’re wondering if you forgot to close the kicker bolt on the stable door – you did.

15. If you’re wondering if you put the alarm on leaving the yard – you didn’t.

16. The moment you start to think you’re going to go clear as you go around a showjumping course, is

the moment your horse will knock or refuse.

17. As soon as you have your horse tacked up to go for a hack, it will start raining. Relentlessly.

18. The one day you choose not to wear waterproof trousers over your white show breeches, will be the day that your horse chooses to rub off you, covering you in green slime.

19. The day you are tight on time to muck out is the day your horse will have dragged his hay through his bed, tipped his water bucket over, and doubled the number of droppings overnight.

20. The day you go to a show over an hour’s drive from your yard, alone, with all your friends and family otherwise occupied for the day, is the day that you will lock your keys into your car – and have to wait for hours in your show gear for someone to come and rescue you. (This may or may not be inspired by personal experience. I’ll leave it to you to decide). 

But it’s important not to take any of these too seriously – because as Murphy’s Law says, ‘Tomorrow will be worse‘.

Thanks to Gift Horse Eventing for creating the great image above – I think we’ve all felt like this at one point or another! (I highly recommend popping over to this site and keeping up to date with Chloe’s Eventing adventures, I’ve been following her for a few years now and always find her writing highly interesting and entertaining!).

Natalie xo

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